I don't have much for words tonight...utter disappointment is about the only thing I'm feeling.  As I'm sure you can guess, AF decided to show up.  Completely unexpected when I went to the bathroom and realized she showed.  Although my intuition was that she was on her way, I wasn't expecting it to be today.  This scares me a bit because it means my LP is probably too short -- meaning, I have some fertility issues.  Back to the drawing board for cycle #3.  Once I get over the shock, I'll be researching like crazy and figuring out my arsenal.

digression from optimism

Today, I feel entirely sure that there is no life inside of me and there is impending doom (AF) at my door.  ugh.  It's going to be a craptastic weekend if AF shows!

CD 40 - 11 DPO and I have no patience left!

bugger...

Having horrible cramps tonight down in my hoo-haa and lower abdomen....pretty sure AF is on her way! :(  The nausea is still hanging around making itself comfy too.  Seriously?!  I'm so NOT a fan of all this, UNLESS of course it means there's a bun in this oven!

9 DPO - I think women who get BFP's at 9 DPO are full of it!

It's amazing how just the right words can find you when you need them most...not sure how I came across this today, but it spoke to my heart.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Phillipians 4:6

PNV's

If you remember a little while back I discussed my desire for the "perfect" PNV on this post - I recently did some more research on PNV's in an attempt to save some money.  I spent around $75 for a 60-day supply after my insurance coverage on the prescription PNV-DHA.  My insurance is changing in 2011 - meaning I will have to pay a lot more out-of-pocket for this prescription if I keep taking it.

So, I did some research and narrowed down my choices and then finally decided on the Super Nutrition Simply One Prenatal Multi-Vitamin and Nordic Naturals Prenatal DHA.  Due to my acid reflux issues, I'm not really looking forward to taking so many pills, but it's only once per day and I got a 90 day supply for far less than the 60 days supply of RX PNV's - I'll just have to suck it up!  The PNV's have 1000 mcg's of folic acid and lots of other good quantites of vitamins, plus they claim to be gentle on the stomach.  I was already a fan of Nordic Naturals quality, pharmaceutical grade vitamins and expect the prenatal DHA will live up to their good background - my TT's take their Nordic Berries and children's DHA gummies. 

I'm still stalking my order through Fed-ex...hoping it'll be here tomorrow!  I'll be sure to post again on how I like them after a few weeks...

8 DPO - another day closer to insanity

Not only am I still naseaus, but when I got up quick tonight, I had pulling in the bottom of my abdomen that hurt.  And because I like riding the crazy train, I POAS today - obviously, it was a BFN.  I still don't know how I feel about this cycle....

A strong part of me says that it didn't happen - that side of me is the reason I picked up some soy isoflavones (they apparently work similar to the prescription medication clomid) at the store the other day.  Then the really hopeful, optimistic side of me is saying we had perfect timing - we just have to be pregnant this cycle.  That side of me is also consistently thinking of all the fun baby planning - including how to tell our family and friends when the time comes.  Anyone have some good ideas?

CD 38 - if my temp doesn't go up tomorrow, I pretty sure we're out for this month!

Naseau

It blows (not quite literally)!  Although I'm starting to wonder if I pulled a bulimic move if I would feel better...

I have acid reflux on a normal day, so  feeling queasy isn't new to me, but in the last few days (and cycles) I've had these bouts of it I would rather do without.  Today, it's a little more than I can stand.  I never had morning sickness with my other pregnancies until I was around 6-8 weeks along - therefore, it's highly unlikely that's what's causing my problem.  A girl can hope though...

My chart is looking fantastic post-O, but I'm staying pretty pessimistic. :(  It does seem like we had great timing and I know the amount of BD'ing we got in in a 24-hour period during O, is far more than we've experienced post-TT's in a LONG while! :)  So much so that we haven't since - I'm still feeling the repercussions!  uff!

CD 36 today...the TWW (and long cycles) can just bite me!

smiley face hApPy DaNcE

Anyone who has used OPK's probably has used or at least seen the Clear Blue Easy version - when you get a negative you get an empty circle, BUT (if you're me - today) you get a wonderful little smiley face! 

CD 29 who would have thought?!

My husband and I are away an overnight without the TT's - so, I'm reaaaaaally hoping we catch that egg this time!! Pretty sure the TWW is going to draaaaaaag knowing our timing was near perfection this cycle!  :)

My temp finally went up today...it doesn't necessarily tell me anything though.  We'll just have to wait and see what the next few days bring.

There will be time for BD'ing this weekend at least (in hopes that maybe I haven't O'd yet).  My husband and I are off to the metro area tomorrow to stay overnight and then we're going to a NFL game on Sunday.  It's my first game and I'm not really a football girl, but spending some alone time with just my husband during this chaotic time is all I care about!

It's CD 28 - most "normal" women are getting AF or a BFP today.  As for me, I haven't even O'd yet.

Emotional Rollarcoaster

I feel like I'm on a wild ride that won't slow down.  Beyond the crazy ups and downs that come with TTC - our family schedule has been well above chaotic!

Here I sit, CD 25 and I've yet to detect O with a +OPK.  My FF chart sure isn't giving me any clear idea either - my temps are all over the place.  I hope maybe I just missed the surge with the OPK's, but on the other hand I worry I'm not O'ing at all.  And I think we all know what that means - no O = empty uterus.  :(

My CM hasn't given me any clues either...today it's creamy (more CM than I've detected all cycle at least) - whatever that means.  lol

I did check my cervix over the weekend and I swore it felt pretty high and soft - giving me a little more hope that I just missed "seeing" it on the OPK's (although I don't how that would be, I've been POAS twice a day for the last week not wanting to miss it).

The icing on the cake...I've had this awful queasy feeling for the last two days.  Kind of a cross between a nauseous and nervous tummy.  Stress could totally be the factor with this, but my mind is still going with the little game of "could" it mean?

Oh and as excited as I am for a dear friend who had her sweet boy on 10.10.10 - seeing him definitely made my uterus scream more for a baby!

Ooops!

Tonight I purchased a new infant car seat...

No, not because I finally got a BFP, but because I'm still riding that crazy TTC train.  It was an awesome deal though...approximately $60 after tax and shipping for a $150 carseat...

isn't it cute?

My husband is going to shoot (not literally - don't send the cops) me when it arrives at our door!  Not because I'm not even pregnant yet, but because we have a perfectly good infant car seat in storage from the TT's!

UPDATE:  Got an email from Wal-Mart...apparently the item is out of stock and I won't be getting this GREAT deal.  Bummer.