I don't have much for words tonight...utter disappointment is about the only thing I'm feeling.  As I'm sure you can guess, AF decided to show up.  Completely unexpected when I went to the bathroom and realized she showed.  Although my intuition was that she was on her way, I wasn't expecting it to be today.  This scares me a bit because it means my LP is probably too short -- meaning, I have some fertility issues.  Back to the drawing board for cycle #3.  Once I get over the shock, I'll be researching like crazy and figuring out my arsenal.

digression from optimism

Today, I feel entirely sure that there is no life inside of me and there is impending doom (AF) at my door.  ugh.  It's going to be a craptastic weekend if AF shows!

CD 40 - 11 DPO and I have no patience left!

bugger...

Having horrible cramps tonight down in my hoo-haa and lower abdomen....pretty sure AF is on her way! :(  The nausea is still hanging around making itself comfy too.  Seriously?!  I'm so NOT a fan of all this, UNLESS of course it means there's a bun in this oven!

9 DPO - I think women who get BFP's at 9 DPO are full of it!

It's amazing how just the right words can find you when you need them most...not sure how I came across this today, but it spoke to my heart.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Phillipians 4:6

PNV's

If you remember a little while back I discussed my desire for the "perfect" PNV on this post - I recently did some more research on PNV's in an attempt to save some money.  I spent around $75 for a 60-day supply after my insurance coverage on the prescription PNV-DHA.  My insurance is changing in 2011 - meaning I will have to pay a lot more out-of-pocket for this prescription if I keep taking it.

So, I did some research and narrowed down my choices and then finally decided on the Super Nutrition Simply One Prenatal Multi-Vitamin and Nordic Naturals Prenatal DHA.  Due to my acid reflux issues, I'm not really looking forward to taking so many pills, but it's only once per day and I got a 90 day supply for far less than the 60 days supply of RX PNV's - I'll just have to suck it up!  The PNV's have 1000 mcg's of folic acid and lots of other good quantites of vitamins, plus they claim to be gentle on the stomach.  I was already a fan of Nordic Naturals quality, pharmaceutical grade vitamins and expect the prenatal DHA will live up to their good background - my TT's take their Nordic Berries and children's DHA gummies. 

I'm still stalking my order through Fed-ex...hoping it'll be here tomorrow!  I'll be sure to post again on how I like them after a few weeks...

8 DPO - another day closer to insanity

Not only am I still naseaus, but when I got up quick tonight, I had pulling in the bottom of my abdomen that hurt.  And because I like riding the crazy train, I POAS today - obviously, it was a BFN.  I still don't know how I feel about this cycle....

A strong part of me says that it didn't happen - that side of me is the reason I picked up some soy isoflavones (they apparently work similar to the prescription medication clomid) at the store the other day.  Then the really hopeful, optimistic side of me is saying we had perfect timing - we just have to be pregnant this cycle.  That side of me is also consistently thinking of all the fun baby planning - including how to tell our family and friends when the time comes.  Anyone have some good ideas?

CD 38 - if my temp doesn't go up tomorrow, I pretty sure we're out for this month!