Easily Excited

Apparently TTC makes you go wacko in the head!  That or just easily excitable - like the little dog who piddles when a friend comes to the door!  lol

My first bit of excitement is over a package of OPK's and HPT's on their way to my door!  I decided to order my tests for this month online - saving a significant amount over what I shelled out on 3 packages of 7 day OPKs last month.  I got them over at www.early-pregnancy-tests.com upon the recommendation of other TTC'ers on WTE.  They're the basic dip stick tests that your doctors office would use.  I have 4 digital OPK's left from last month I figure I can use for confirmation if there's any doubt.  I also have 2 "top shelf" brand HPT's ready to for confirmation.  PRAYING hard that there won't be any use for any of these tests after this month!!

Adding the excitement is my beautiful chart over on FF (if you click the ticker on the bottom of this blog, you can see it) - my pattern of temps is mimicking last month, which I'm hoping will lead to more precise timing of the BD'ing!! hee hee

To top it off, AF has pre-IUD like in flow (muuuuuuch lighter) and is wrapping things up and heading out the door!!  My husband better watch out - he's going to be reminded of what it was like prior to having the TT's!! ;)

Worry...

....it's a horrible feeling.

Life has been pretty overwhelming lately.  DH is working a crazy schedule that seems to change every time I blink.  Our days pretty much blur together.  When I'm working, he's sleeping and taking care of the kids - when he's working I'm taking care of the kids and sleeping.

Crazy every day life equals worry we won't be able to BD on the "right" days to conceive.

I trust Him to give us what our heart desires,  I just need to stop thinking about it so much and try to allow the story that has already been determined unfold in front of me.

::sigh::

When intuition turns into reality...

My chart has been pretty text book (at least at seeing when I ovulated and such), so when I saw my temps start to drop in the last few days, I knew (instead of thought?) AF was on her way.  Well, I temped this morning and saw the significant drop in temp and knew.  It was completely confirmed when I went to the bathroom for the first time and discovered  that, indeed AF had made her ugly appearance.

My intuition has been telling me I was not pregnant for quite some time - I just had a feeling this would not be our month.  BUT that doesn't mean all the acne, breast tenderness, bloating, etc didn't make me hopeful I was wrong.  As much as I really wanted a May baby to fit in the the middle of the TT's birthdays, I'm just going to move on and hope that it'll share it's birthday month with it's older brother.  :)

The other nice aspect of charting - I can see that my cycles are getting shorter now that the IUD is removed.  Which means that there won't be as much time waiting to O and then the 2WW on top of that.  I'm off to fill up my arsenal of OPK's for next month!  Thank goodness for TTC message boards where they share where to buy them cheapest (wow, feel a little like an addict after that statement).

Seriously?!  Who knew TTC could make every logical thought disappear?!

In the 30 minute commute home from work tonight, I managed to get aboard the crazy train and convince myself I should POAS.  I'm 11 DPO, if I would have stopped for a moment during the insanity, I'm sure I wouldn't have POAS and gotten the horrible feeling that comes with a BFN (even when you're expecting it).  Especially considering my "plan" was to POAS Saturday...heck, I guess Thursday is the new Saturday! lol

My chart has plateaued and I still feel that we're out this month.  If only all the other symptoms (breast pangs/soreness, horrid acne, acid reflux, constant peeing,...) wouldn't keep my mind playing games I could ease through this long cycle!

Mind Games

It's amazing how a person's mind can play such cruel games when they really want something!  I know I'm not the only person TTC who has a mind running in circles.  In fact, there's a whole message board of them over at WTE!  Unfortunately, my mind seems to be taking it up a level every day that passes.

For instance, I've gone pee every 45 minutes for the last 5 hours.  WTF?!  I do drink quite a bit of water during the day, but I have not been drinking that much!  So, here I sit, my mind is spinning like crazy with the "that could be a symptom" thoughts.

BUT for every ounce of optimism there is always pessimism... 

For instance, I've had no CM (the stuff that apparently really tells you your fertility) this month and therefore I'm firmly believing we did not conceive this cycle.  The lack of CM is actually making me thing there is going to be a problem TTC overall.  On top of that, if I did read the darn OPK's correctly - we didn't BD nearly enough OR at the right times around O.  Ugh...

Today's CD 31, 9 DPO (according to FF) and I'm going insane.  AF better show her ugly face soon so we can move on to the next month!  (BTW...I did POAS today - BFN...totally didn't help the mind games)

I've decided - I'm putting the OPK's down for awhile.  Going to continue to temp and watch CM, but I've had it with OPK's always being negative.

I'm pretty sure I already got a +OPK, but I really don't know because I have no egg-white consitency CM to go along with it.

Ugh...why does it have to be so frustrating?!

Meanwhile, I've been crampy for a few days...

going crazy...

...over not getting a +OPK!

Please, oh please let me get one soon!!  If I have to buy another 7 day kit and my husband finds out how much money I've spent on them he might admit me to the nut house!